Sweatpants & Hoodies

I'm fairly certain that I live in sweatpants & hoodies. I look at my closet and am amazed that those are pretty much all I own. Oh well. I'm sexy and I know it, but I'm far to lazy to show it ;)

Anyway....it's been a long while since I've blogged. Guess you all could use an update about school, church, dating, work and all that lovely stuff. Here goes:

School:

   So DONE with the community college. They can't get their act together to give me a straight answer about classes so I switchted over to LDSBC. Hopefully they know what they're doing more than SLCC did. Who knew getting a teaching certificate would be so stinking hard?! Bleh I'm sort of over school, but know I need it to be able to get to where I want to be, which is Paris...one day.

Church:

  Singles wards are weird. Mine, I'm sure, is the most unfriendly. You can come for months and people will just stare at you. Guess that's what I get for still living in Magna. I went to high school with most of the people in the ward so that makes it hard to put yourself out there...you already know they be cray cray. It's very tempting to have my records transferred back to the family ward...maybe I can get my primary class back! Very, very tempting.

Dating:

     Uh, what's a date? Seriously, it's been a long time since I've been on a date. Pretty sure I have no idea how to act on one. There is this boy...he's....interesting. We'll see. Boys. They're better in books. No, really, they are. There's this dude and talk about mixed signals (granted I'm the queen of those...I never thought someone would do it back!) Sometimes I want to ask him if he has a staring problem or if there's just crap on my face and that's his way of saying something. Whatever.

Work:

   Recently I got a new boss, he was a Nazi in a former life. No joke! He's super up tight about stuff and he flirts like crazy with people. Hr anyone? Bleh work is work. Wish I had a different job, but I make good money doing what I do so I'll just keep trucking.


Life:

   Is fairly uneventful. I'm rather withdrawn and am not as outgoing as I used to be. Weird how some jerk face can change you. Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll get over being shy and get out there. Here's to hoping. Now onto girls.Yep, vent session.  FREAK! They can be so mean and bipolar it's freaking irritating. There's one girl mostly who is fine when we're alone and once she gets around her "best friend" she turns into this snarky person! Totally made me feel like an idiot a few times. Definately makes it hard to want to do stuff with her. She totally tore me apart the other day as to why dude in ward would not go on one, yes people, one date with me. Thanks. I feel awesome now. Way to really stab the knife in where I could see it. Jerk! Blah vent session over.

Life really isn't that bad. I'm where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing and that's all that really matters. Who cares what anyone, but my fam thinks. At least they are always in my corner.

Whelp. I'm super tired so guess that means it's time for bed. Night blogger world.

ps ONE MONTH UNTIL SISTER MYERS COMES HOME!!!!!!!!WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

1. I am a redhead.
2. I tend to ramble when I talk.

 Super original right? I know you're all jealous.

Day 1: Recent picture & 15 random facts

I decided to try and finish all 30 days this time instead of giving up after a few days. Hopefully this goes a lot better than the other 3 times I tried! Here goes:

1. I'm terrified of the dark.
2. I love football. A lot.
3. I love flip flops.
4. I would love to learn to ski or snowboard.
5. I think sleeping in socks is just weird.
6. I do not like to cry in front of people.
7. I LOVE Harry Potter.
8. I could listen to The Fray and Train all day, every day.
9. I'm addicted to crime shows. Criminal Minds is amazing!
10. I like Broadway Musicals.
11. I'm terrified of expressing feelings & emotions. It's a mess...one you never want to witness.
12. I play with my ears when I'm tired.
13. I love one period of time. The 40's.
14. I will listen to the same song for days if it fits my mood.
15. I wish things were different.

Open Mouth...

....insert foot. Seems I've done this a lot in the past 2 days. I truly feel like I hurt someone I care a lot about in the process. So this is my apology. I'm not great at saying sorry, but I'll give it my best effort.

You know who you are,

I'm sorry I'm an idiot and bring things up at the worst possible time. I'm sorry I'm demanding. I'm sorry I'm a brat. I'm sorry I pushed you...a whole lot in the past few days. I finally worked up enough nerve to tell you exactly how I felt and you threw me a curve ball. I didn't handle it the way I should have. I know that now. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have said. I'm a jerk. It's probably too late to say this, but it's only fair you know. I care a whole lot about you. I think about you all the time. I love talking to you. When I hear your voice, I smile like some crazy idiot. When I see that you took time out of your study session or lost marathon to reply to whatever dumb thing I said..it makes me so happy. I hated hearing about other people who held your attention, but I have no right to be mad. You respected me and the space I thought I needed. For that I'm grateful. You were the very best friend I could have ever asked for. You listened. Most boys don't do that. For that, as well, I'm grateful.   You're different from any boy I've ever met. It took me a long time to realize that. Longer than it should have. I should have told you as soon as I figured it out. Instead of waiting a month because I was terrified of what you would say. I don't handle emotions or feelings like this very well...as you've learned by now. I wasn't the greatest friend earlier. Instead of responding with something positive about what was happening in your life...I was selfish. I'm so sorry. I do not want to lose you in any way. If you're happy, I'm happy for you. I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry for the way I acted and conducted myself. It isn't like me to respond like a jealous lunatic. I guess what it all boils down to is I'm sorry for being a really big idiot and if the offer of friends still stands...I'd like to take you up on that.

Alone...

I've never felt more alone in my entire life. Everyone says things happen for a reason. Well, I'd like to know why exactly what's happening is happening. I didn't ask for this. If this is my cross to bare I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired and worn out. Physically and Emotionally. I don't understand it. I want to be done. I need to be done. Everytime I try I get hit with something else again. I'm sick of everyone telling me that it will get better eventually. I don't want eventually, I want it to be better now. I'm tired of people telling me to get over it. Trust me, I'm trying. It makes it ridiculously hard to get over it when it's flaunted in your face everyday and when things are taken and blow up into something so much bigger.

You wanted to hurt me. Well, congraulations...you did in more ways than one.

Some days....

Are harder than others. That's all there is to it. I still can't get what happened out of my head. He cheated. The entire relationship was a mistake, worse yet it was a lie. It's so hard to know that I was in love with someone who doesn't even exist. To know that when someone said he loved you, he didn't mean it because he had someone else on the side. I finally was feeling so much better about myself and I wasn't enough for someone. It hurts so bad. Talk about a huge blow to the self esteem. He cheated...the worst part it was with someone I thought was my friend. Ha. Friend, yeah awesome friend. Whatever I guess. I don't understand why tonight is so much harder than all the other nights for the past two months. Maybe it's because that was my first relationship and it crashed and burned. I feel like an idiot. All the signs were there and I totally ignored them. Bah. At least I realized he wasn't what I wanted before it was too late, right? I hate him. I hate him for wasting my time. I hate him for making it hard to let anyone else in. I hate him for being the first person that I said I love you to. I hate him for saying it back to me and not meaning a word of it. I hate that part of me is still in love with the person I thought he was. I hate it. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Maybe one day I'll understand why in the world it had to happen this way.

Oh well....life goes on.

On a positive note I found out I can text on my iPad!

Happy Moments...

Today I had probably the biggest blonde moment of my life. A very cute guy came up to me and asked for my number....he meant my work extension, but I was blinded by his beauty and totally gave him my cell number. Oops. Haha needless to say he walked away rather quickly. I'm sure it's safe to say I won't be seeing him again. Oh well. It was kind of funny :)


Anyway, I think it's funny how the Lord likes to remind you that decisions you make are the right decisions. You all know I was very close to being engaged. I had a dress picked, a date picked, colors, ring for him and a ring for me. The only problem was putting the ring on my finger. There were a few red flags, but I chose to ignore them because how could they be bad? Turns out after a very long conversation with someone I love and respect as well as an amazing blessing I knew that ending the relationship was the right choice. It's way hard to look at someone and tell them you love them, but can't be with them. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done.
I learned a few weeks later that he had another girlfriend. So much for being in love with me right? Well a month has gone by and I've heard a lot of things about this person. I've lost so much respect for him. He lied straight to my face about so many things. Oh well, when it all comes down to it he'll have things he'll have to answer too and my forever won't be tied to his. He wasn't/isn't what I need or want for the rest of my life and I'm so thankful to my Father in Heaven for gently reminding me that someone else who is everything I have ever dreamed about is out there for me. I just have to paitent and let him find me. It's a happy day when you realize that you're worth having what you dream about. :)

Oh, and Spencer I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop following my blog. I want you out of my life...forever.

Awkward moments define my life

Seriously, it's true. Awkward moments really do define my life. The other day I was sitting at a stop light and this dude was sitting in his car totally jamming out, so being the creeper that I am, I sat and watched him jam out. He had some amazing steering wheel drum skills and a wonderful air guitar going as far as the singing goes I can't grade that since it was like negative nine degrees outside and my windows were up. Well he totally caught me staring and started singing to me using his smart water as a microphone. He wasn't feeling awkward, but I sure did. I very quickly turned bright red and then turned back to stare out my wind shield. Yeah, I'll never stare at anyone playing air guitar again.

Anyway life is still pretty fantastic! I must say this is my favorite time of year! All the lights and something about this time of year that just makes dealing with people so much easier. Love it! I can't wait to go see the lights at Temple Square and Zoo lights! Woo for Christmas!

Can I just say that I hate anything that deals with cars because it's so complicated! It seems like every time I turn on my car a new light comes up! Grrr. I have to go to Jiffy Lube tomorrow and I'm so dreading that. Oh well I'lll put my big girl pants on and handle it! Wish me luck!

You make my heart stop...

AH! Five months of not blogging? I guess life got a little crazy. Guess it's time for an update, yeah?

First:
Remember the boy you all learned about? Well he is no more. After a lot of thought and a lot of time on my knees asking for guidance from my Father in Heaven, I decide the best thing for both of us was to end the relationship and go our separate ways. It was hard, but I'm happy and very confident I made the right decision.

Second:
I have the BEST calling in the whole wide world. I teach 5 year olds all about Jesus and the Gospel. Can it get much better than that? I submit that it can not! I love it so much! I even team teach with the BEST person ever as well.

Third:
I finally feel like I know that I'm on the right track and everything is going to be ok. I have the most wonderful support system in my family and friends that a girl could ever ask for. They are all very special to me. Sorry I lost sight of what was important, but now I know and won't ever lose sight of it again. I love you all!

Fourth:
Ever had someone that you enjoy talking to so much that your phone tends to be glued to your hand 24/7? Yeah, I've never done that....until now. BAH! I feel really silly at the moment. Mostly because I'm twenty-two and I feel like a little girl who's just developed her first crush. Oh goodness...what have I gotten myself into?! That's right I'm apparently a tad twitter patted. So twitter patted that the same song has been on repeat ALL day and I've had the dorkiest grin on my face all day as well. Oh well, he's pretty great.

Fifth:
I'm starting school again! Can I just say that I am not looking forward to having homework again? (that means less time to talk to said boy!) It's an English class I'm taking online so that means more time in my silly glasses. Oh well, it had to happen at one point in time. We'll see how it goes. Brit Lit here I come.

Well that's all the updates for now. Night blogger world.

bbbbblllllllaaaaahhhhhhhh

I have been horrible at updating this thing lately! Has it really been a whole month since I've last blogged? Yep, look at that. One whole month. A whole lot has happened too. A whole lot of GOOD stuff.

First thing.
Pepe has slowly been dying the death. For those of you who are completely lost at the mention of Pepe, that would be my beloved little honda. I don't know if I should jump for joy or be a little sad that the poor thing has pretty much given up on me. I always wanted a new car (which btdubs car shopping=pain in the rear!), but I've driven the car for 4 years...I'm kind of attached to the thing. Bleh. Highlight on this one though is I'm looking at a car that I've wanted since I was like 12. BOO-YAH! 2010 Silver Jetta? YES, PLEASE!

Second thing.
I met a boy. Go a head let your jaws drop now. I know, I know I wasn't looking for anyone, but it's a little hard to not look at a super attractive guy who you see almost everyday. He is so amazing. I'm extremely lucky to have him in my life. He treats me like a princess and is more than I deserve. Lucky doesn't cover it. I<3 him.

Third thing.
There's a chance I might get a new job. After almost four years in the same department (actually it's been 44 months, but who's counting) it's time for a change. I posted out for 3 positions on the bank side of Discover and 1 sticking to CSE. Cross your fingers, cause it's time for a change.

I guess that's really all that has happened in the whirlwind month of not blogging. I know some of you want more details about one of the wonderful things that made my list, but I'm going to be a little selfish and not share any more details...maybe later :)

Uh-flipping-mazing!

Yeah. It was that great.



If only...

Blogging at three am? Why not?

I'm super tired, but hyped at the same time. Don't ask how that works because I'm not really sure.

It's been almost a month since I've blogged. A lot has happened. Ok, so not a lot, but it feels like a lot.

Ah. Anyway ever feel like whenever you talk no one listens? I've had that feeling for over a month now

I can't shake it.

I also feel like how I feel doesn't really matter to those around me at all. Also something I've felt

like for over a month.

Seriously what is wrong with me?

I know, I know only I can control how I feel, but sometimes I don't want that to be the answer.

Sometimes I wish people would at least try to pretend (yeah, I'd take pretending for now) to hear

what I'm saying.

Apparently I'm in a funk.

Hopefully I shake it soon.

I'm on this musical kick at the moment. I love listening to them. Surprisingly I always find

a song that I feel like I relate to so much. Right now it's 'If Only' from the The Little Mermaid.

It's a wonderful song. I love it. I feel like it really just kind of explains how I feel about everything.

'Can't you see the way I ache behind my smile?'

Positive note: HARRY POTTER IN SIX DAYS!

5,4,3,2,1 bang bang bang boy...

I've failed at blogging for the past few weeks.

So much has happened.

I don't even know where to start.

Oh, here's where did you all know that there's a pickle factory on the death star?

The things you learn during improv.

:)

Sigma, one of the biggest blessings in my life is now no more.

I feel really sad about it.

I'm going to miss going and having the interaction with the girls...ok and the guys.

Sigma was a HUGE blessing and came when I needed it most. I'll be grateful for the year I spent in Sigma getting to know the girls and building friendships with everyone.

I've met some of my best friends through it.

I don't think I'd be where I am without Sigma.

<3

So.

Friday I (hopefully) get to spend time with someone who I have

complicated feelings for.

How it can be complicated I don't even know.

It should be black or white.

Either I like him or don't.

Eh. I make everything overly complicated.

It shouldn't be complicated.

We're supposedly (yes, I say supposedly because I have very little faith in the male gender) hanging out

on Friday. For some reason there's a part of me that thinks it won't happen.

Don't ask. I don't know why. It's just like a nagging thing in the back of my mind.

Hopefully it happens. Maybe it will make how I feel less complicated.

I like him, but then I don't see how it could work.

Bleh.

Is having feelings for someone always so hard?

On a positive note only 31 more days until Harry Potter!

Midnight showing?

I think yes.

I'm fully aware this is for the wrong movie, but

Rupert Grint gets better looking with every

movie.

:)

Day 6: Favorite superhero and why

Batman.

He is the man.

How could not love Batman?

Honestly, I think I love him more because Christian Bale

played him, but whatevs. Batman is hot.

His sidekick is a little cute too. :)

Batman is my favorite because I used to watch these cartoons when I was little before I went to school

and let's face it his theme song kicks spidermans theme song in the teeth. Does whatever a

spider can? Puh-lease.

Go Batman.



Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been

Disneyland.

The happiest place on Earth.

I love Disneyland. Love it.

It makes me happy to be there.

There were other pictures, but it seem like this one was the best choice.

Day 4: A habit you have that you wished you didn't

It took my a while to figure out what it is about myself that I wish I could change. I ran through just about everything and finally settled on one thing. I over think EVERYTHING. It's ridiculous. One small thing suddenly becomes some terrible thing. It's an awful habit. I'm trying to so hard to change it, but sadly it's coming along slowly. Over thinking things gets you no where in life and can give you some serious heart burn (I know this from experience!). It's just silly to work yourself up thinking about all the things that could happen. Nothing good comes from it. Slowly, but surely change is coming. This habit hopefully will be kicked by the end of the year. Yay for me.

Day 3: A picture of you and your friends

Sigma. Of course! I don't know where I would be in my life without some of these girls! I love them all. They are an amazing group of girls. I'm really lucky to have such an awesome sorority.

Have we covered the topic of me being a wimp yet? Oh man. There's something I want to do so bad, but sadly I lack the courage, nerve whatever you want to call it to do it. Yeah, I'm a chicken. Who knows though maybe one day I'll stop thinking about what could happen and just do it. Bleh. It's waaaaaayyyy too late to over analyze things. Boo. Goodnight blogger world!

Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name.

It really does not take a genius to figure it out.

1. I'm a redhead.
2. I ramble.


Today was the day! I saw someone who means a lot to me and yeah after two years...I'm still ridiculously awkward. Good to know nothing has changed since, well, high school. The boy makes me nervous. Really nervous. Don't ask why, maybe it has something to do with the fact that there was a point in time where he knew just about everything about me and well I have a major crush on him. Yeah that might have something to do with it. Meh. I'm awkward guess I should just embrace it rather than fight it.
In case you were wondering though...he looked really good. ;)

Day 1: Recent picture of yourself and 15 random facts

Facts:

1. I'm terrified of the dark.
2. I've changed my major six times.
3. I've never dyed my hair.
4. I have a love/hate relationship with my cell phone.
5. I love football. A lot.
6. I love going to the zoo.
7. I love flip flops.
8. I hate sleeping in socks.
9. I have a habit of forgetting what I'm talking about.
10. I love to watch disney movies.
11. I love to take pictures, but hate having my picture taken.
12. I am not a morning person.
13. This year I've been through three phones already.
14. I love Harry Potter. Judge away.
15. Is a secret. If you're lucky I might tell you.

30 Days

I found this again:

Day 1: Recent picture of you and 15 random facts about yourself
Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: A picture of you and your friends
Day 4: A habit you have that you wished you didn't
Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been
Day 6: Favorite superhero and why
Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9: Something you're proud of in the past few days
Day 10: Songs you listen to when you're sad, happy, mad, hyped up, bored
Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12: How you found out about blogger and why you have one
Day 13: A letter to someone
Day 14: A picture of you and your family
Day 15: Put your ipod on shuffle-first 10 songs that play
Day 16: Another picture of yourself
Day 17: Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18: Plans/Dreams/Goals that you have
Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them
Day 20: Someone you love
Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23: Something you crave a lot
Day 24: Your last five facebook status'
Days 25: What I would find in your bag
Day 26: What you think about your friends
Day 27: Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28: A picture of you last year and one from today, how have you changed since then
Day 29: In the past month what have you learned
Day 30: Your favorite song

and I decided what the heck.