Sweatpants & Hoodies

I'm fairly certain that I live in sweatpants & hoodies. I look at my closet and am amazed that those are pretty much all I own. Oh well. I'm sexy and I know it, but I'm far to lazy to show it ;)

Anyway....it's been a long while since I've blogged. Guess you all could use an update about school, church, dating, work and all that lovely stuff. Here goes:

School:

   So DONE with the community college. They can't get their act together to give me a straight answer about classes so I switchted over to LDSBC. Hopefully they know what they're doing more than SLCC did. Who knew getting a teaching certificate would be so stinking hard?! Bleh I'm sort of over school, but know I need it to be able to get to where I want to be, which is Paris...one day.

Church:

  Singles wards are weird. Mine, I'm sure, is the most unfriendly. You can come for months and people will just stare at you. Guess that's what I get for still living in Magna. I went to high school with most of the people in the ward so that makes it hard to put yourself out there...you already know they be cray cray. It's very tempting to have my records transferred back to the family ward...maybe I can get my primary class back! Very, very tempting.

Dating:

     Uh, what's a date? Seriously, it's been a long time since I've been on a date. Pretty sure I have no idea how to act on one. There is this boy...he's....interesting. We'll see. Boys. They're better in books. No, really, they are. There's this dude and talk about mixed signals (granted I'm the queen of those...I never thought someone would do it back!) Sometimes I want to ask him if he has a staring problem or if there's just crap on my face and that's his way of saying something. Whatever.

Work:

   Recently I got a new boss, he was a Nazi in a former life. No joke! He's super up tight about stuff and he flirts like crazy with people. Hr anyone? Bleh work is work. Wish I had a different job, but I make good money doing what I do so I'll just keep trucking.


Life:

   Is fairly uneventful. I'm rather withdrawn and am not as outgoing as I used to be. Weird how some jerk face can change you. Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll get over being shy and get out there. Here's to hoping. Now onto girls.Yep, vent session.  FREAK! They can be so mean and bipolar it's freaking irritating. There's one girl mostly who is fine when we're alone and once she gets around her "best friend" she turns into this snarky person! Totally made me feel like an idiot a few times. Definately makes it hard to want to do stuff with her. She totally tore me apart the other day as to why dude in ward would not go on one, yes people, one date with me. Thanks. I feel awesome now. Way to really stab the knife in where I could see it. Jerk! Blah vent session over.

Life really isn't that bad. I'm where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing and that's all that really matters. Who cares what anyone, but my fam thinks. At least they are always in my corner.

Whelp. I'm super tired so guess that means it's time for bed. Night blogger world.

ps ONE MONTH UNTIL SISTER MYERS COMES HOME!!!!!!!!WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

1. I am a redhead.
2. I tend to ramble when I talk.

 Super original right? I know you're all jealous.

Day 1: Recent picture & 15 random facts

I decided to try and finish all 30 days this time instead of giving up after a few days. Hopefully this goes a lot better than the other 3 times I tried! Here goes:

1. I'm terrified of the dark.
2. I love football. A lot.
3. I love flip flops.
4. I would love to learn to ski or snowboard.
5. I think sleeping in socks is just weird.
6. I do not like to cry in front of people.
7. I LOVE Harry Potter.
8. I could listen to The Fray and Train all day, every day.
9. I'm addicted to crime shows. Criminal Minds is amazing!
10. I like Broadway Musicals.
11. I'm terrified of expressing feelings & emotions. It's a mess...one you never want to witness.
12. I play with my ears when I'm tired.
13. I love one period of time. The 40's.
14. I will listen to the same song for days if it fits my mood.
15. I wish things were different.

Open Mouth...

....insert foot. Seems I've done this a lot in the past 2 days. I truly feel like I hurt someone I care a lot about in the process. So this is my apology. I'm not great at saying sorry, but I'll give it my best effort.

You know who you are,

I'm sorry I'm an idiot and bring things up at the worst possible time. I'm sorry I'm demanding. I'm sorry I'm a brat. I'm sorry I pushed you...a whole lot in the past few days. I finally worked up enough nerve to tell you exactly how I felt and you threw me a curve ball. I didn't handle it the way I should have. I know that now. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have said. I'm a jerk. It's probably too late to say this, but it's only fair you know. I care a whole lot about you. I think about you all the time. I love talking to you. When I hear your voice, I smile like some crazy idiot. When I see that you took time out of your study session or lost marathon to reply to whatever dumb thing I said..it makes me so happy. I hated hearing about other people who held your attention, but I have no right to be mad. You respected me and the space I thought I needed. For that I'm grateful. You were the very best friend I could have ever asked for. You listened. Most boys don't do that. For that, as well, I'm grateful.   You're different from any boy I've ever met. It took me a long time to realize that. Longer than it should have. I should have told you as soon as I figured it out. Instead of waiting a month because I was terrified of what you would say. I don't handle emotions or feelings like this very well...as you've learned by now. I wasn't the greatest friend earlier. Instead of responding with something positive about what was happening in your life...I was selfish. I'm so sorry. I do not want to lose you in any way. If you're happy, I'm happy for you. I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry for the way I acted and conducted myself. It isn't like me to respond like a jealous lunatic. I guess what it all boils down to is I'm sorry for being a really big idiot and if the offer of friends still stands...I'd like to take you up on that.

Alone...

I've never felt more alone in my entire life. Everyone says things happen for a reason. Well, I'd like to know why exactly what's happening is happening. I didn't ask for this. If this is my cross to bare I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired and worn out. Physically and Emotionally. I don't understand it. I want to be done. I need to be done. Everytime I try I get hit with something else again. I'm sick of everyone telling me that it will get better eventually. I don't want eventually, I want it to be better now. I'm tired of people telling me to get over it. Trust me, I'm trying. It makes it ridiculously hard to get over it when it's flaunted in your face everyday and when things are taken and blow up into something so much bigger.

You wanted to hurt me. Well, congraulations...you did in more ways than one.

Some days....

Are harder than others. That's all there is to it. I still can't get what happened out of my head. He cheated. The entire relationship was a mistake, worse yet it was a lie. It's so hard to know that I was in love with someone who doesn't even exist. To know that when someone said he loved you, he didn't mean it because he had someone else on the side. I finally was feeling so much better about myself and I wasn't enough for someone. It hurts so bad. Talk about a huge blow to the self esteem. He cheated...the worst part it was with someone I thought was my friend. Ha. Friend, yeah awesome friend. Whatever I guess. I don't understand why tonight is so much harder than all the other nights for the past two months. Maybe it's because that was my first relationship and it crashed and burned. I feel like an idiot. All the signs were there and I totally ignored them. Bah. At least I realized he wasn't what I wanted before it was too late, right? I hate him. I hate him for wasting my time. I hate him for making it hard to let anyone else in. I hate him for being the first person that I said I love you to. I hate him for saying it back to me and not meaning a word of it. I hate that part of me is still in love with the person I thought he was. I hate it. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Maybe one day I'll understand why in the world it had to happen this way.

Oh well....life goes on.

On a positive note I found out I can text on my iPad!

Happy Moments...

Today I had probably the biggest blonde moment of my life. A very cute guy came up to me and asked for my number....he meant my work extension, but I was blinded by his beauty and totally gave him my cell number. Oops. Haha needless to say he walked away rather quickly. I'm sure it's safe to say I won't be seeing him again. Oh well. It was kind of funny :)


Anyway, I think it's funny how the Lord likes to remind you that decisions you make are the right decisions. You all know I was very close to being engaged. I had a dress picked, a date picked, colors, ring for him and a ring for me. The only problem was putting the ring on my finger. There were a few red flags, but I chose to ignore them because how could they be bad? Turns out after a very long conversation with someone I love and respect as well as an amazing blessing I knew that ending the relationship was the right choice. It's way hard to look at someone and tell them you love them, but can't be with them. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done.
I learned a few weeks later that he had another girlfriend. So much for being in love with me right? Well a month has gone by and I've heard a lot of things about this person. I've lost so much respect for him. He lied straight to my face about so many things. Oh well, when it all comes down to it he'll have things he'll have to answer too and my forever won't be tied to his. He wasn't/isn't what I need or want for the rest of my life and I'm so thankful to my Father in Heaven for gently reminding me that someone else who is everything I have ever dreamed about is out there for me. I just have to paitent and let him find me. It's a happy day when you realize that you're worth having what you dream about. :)

Oh, and Spencer I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop following my blog. I want you out of my life...forever.